The Jalebis and Samosa were calling me.


Hi, I am Golu, known as the foodie Master(in my neighbourhood). I don’t know how to make my dear food understand that how to tell them to stop calling me to have a feast with them. They are like kids to me. How can anyone refuse to their dears request? I am only 18 years old and my weight is 136 kg’s, because of my dear food. It feels like the food has something related to me as I am foods relative. Sometimes it also feels like the foods hobbies are to hypnotise me. Some days ago we met with an accident. Do you know how?


Actually some days ago we went to the mall on our bike and on the way my dear pani puri used its special attack on me. It’s the chole spicy chilli soup smell attack. It attracted my body towards it. My father(who was driving the bike) couldn’t bear my weight and tripped. Somebody called the ambulance and we were taken to the hospital immediately. The hospital was very comfortable. I liked the hospital because they would serve the dinner of our choice. Do you know what all were my choices? 69 plates Pani Puri, 54 Jalebis, 23 Samosas, 78 Bondas and 111 Wadas. I wanted to live there for my whole life, but unfortunately, my wound healed quickly and had to return home yesterday. When my father saw the bill he fainted because the total bill was 98,67,34,994 rupees.


Even once I and my father went to a nearby shop on foot. On the way, the Jalebi wala stood his stall and some hot fresh and tasty Jalebis gave me an invitation to come and eat them? How could I refuse to my dear Jalebis invitation? What would I answer her (My dear Jalebi) when she would question me the next time I eat her? So without hesitation, I left my fathers hand and went towards the Jalebi stall and quietly took a plate out of his counter and ran away. Luckily that time the Jalebi wala was busy in giving the Jalebis to the customers in the crowd.


Do you know that even once I woke up before the Sun rose? Do you know why? I woke up before the sunrise because that day the Samosa wala open his shop early in the morning. My body automatically got up smelling the Samosas and followed the smell of the Samosas blindly. The Samosa wala had prepared a new fresh hot tray of Samosas and went into his room to get some filling for making new Samosas. In that time I went to the tray of the fresh Samosas and started eating them. When the Samosa wala came out I had finished the Samosas in the tray completely. He got very angry and took a stick and started beating me. I ran towards my house at full speed and heard him shouting from the back “Give me the money for my Samosas or I will catch you for this someday. I am glad that the samosa wala got a job as a government employee and got transferred. But still I don’t go there often as the samosa wala may not like his job( like my father) and work as a samosa wala again and he might really catch me for eating his samosas.


Yesterday I had a dream with my dear food. Do you know what was it? I had entered a food eating competition. Who would eat the most food would win. I had passed in the selection for the tournament. The first round was easy. A teenager with about 6 flesh tunnels on his face, his face was looking awkward, his hair wasn’t combed properly and his hair was shaped in horizontal spikes. There was also white dust all over his face. After some time, when the competition began, they placed fifty-four mangoes in both of our sides. This wasn’t a big deal for me, I used to eat sixty mangoes each day in the last summer. My thoughts were interrupted by the umpire’s voice “three, two, one, start eating”. After some time the teenager shouted(after finishing his twenty-fifth mango) “ahh! my stomach is full I can’t eat anymore”, but I finished all my mangoes before he stopped eating his mangoes and instead also ate all mangoes he left out. The umpire announced, “Golu wins the match”. After I was declared the winner of the first match the umpire told me privately that I needed to win one more match to reach the finals. In the beginning of the second match, a fat man(but not fatter than me) sat in front of me for the second round. They placed forty-six sliced of pineapples on both of our sides( this also was not a big deal for me) and again the umpire shouted: “three, two, one, start eating”. The pineapple was tasty and I easily ate all of them but my opponent was not less he also ate all his slices of the pineapples at the same time. The umpire was astonished whom to declare the winner?!!?So he decided to set another round, but before the umpire was about to start my opponent asked for a break for some hours. The umpire agreed and we both went to empty our stomach’s for the next round. We went to the washroom just to know there was only one washroom and my opponent would take some hours for doing ‘potty’, so we decided that I would use the washroom first to empty my stomach as if he would go I would need to poop in my pants. So I went to the washroom just to know that there was no toilet paper and when I finished emptying my stomach I needed to take out water from the flush to wash my butt. I came out after emptying my stomach and he went in. I needed to wait there for some hours for my opponent to come out and so happened. Now finally the time arrived for the game to begin and seventy-eight bowls of gulab-jamuns were kept beside both of us and as usual, the umpire shouted: “three, two, one, start eating”. My opponent gave me a tough competition by finishing sixty-nine bowls of gulab jamuns, but this time I couldn’t complete all of the gulab-jamuns but still, I won by eating seventy-two bowls of gulab jamuns. I somehow(with my heavy stomach) left in the air full of joy that I qualified for finals. The umpire told me that the finals were going to be held in a boxing ring which was two kilometres away from here. He even said that they would provide the transport for the finals. So I and the umpire left for the finals when we reached I saw a huge audience there for watching our final. There was a giant man with a huge belly(fatter than me). I entered in the ring and sat in front of my opponent. And now we were served one-hundred-forty-six samosas. This was a deal for me. A foreign professional umpire came and shouted: “three, two, one, start eating”. I kept on eating and eating one after another and finished one-hundred-forty-four samosa’s as my opponent only could eat one-hundred-thirty-six samosas. I couldn’t control my feelings I was filled with joy that I won the final, but I couldn’t leap because my stomach was full. They gave me ‘One crore rupees’ as a prize. I came out thinking what all could I do with this money in my whole life my father would be impressed with me. Suddenly something was shaking my butt. I went to a public toilet because of my emergency. I went there only to know I had loose motions and all this was a dream.


Do you know that I can do anything for tasty food? Even a robbery. I have even killed a rat and roast and eaten it, because my one of my friend told me that if you kill a rat and take its skin out and roast and eat it will taste like cream and onion flavoured red colour meat, and if you slice and freeze it, it will turn into flat cream and onion flavoured red colour chips. But when I tried it, it tasted like ashes of roasted chicken without fat. It was waste in taste. I would like to share another incident with you about what I did for food. I had gone to the market of sweets. And there Jalebis, samosas and all the other varieties of food which would give me an invitation to come and eat them were there. And as usual, they gave me an invitation to come and eat them. How could I refuse them? So I went and ate them. What else could I do? I had to eat them, even without paying for them. The shopkeeper saw me and roared, “why are you eating these sweets. You have not even paid money for a single item yet.” My mother caught a sight of the shopkeeper roaring at me. Did I mention my mother is a bodybuilder? She came with an angry face towards the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper’s legs trembled with fear. He was squeaking for my mother to forgive him. But my mother was not going to leave him easily. Did I mention that my mother loves me a lot and is ready to do anything for me. So, she lifted him up and went to the girl’s restroom and threw him in the Indian style toilet. She locked him too. He was shouting for help, but nobody bothered. I happily went to the eating cafeteria with a lot of sweets and I happily finished all the sweets in the shop and went home.

By: Rushil Dhar
School: KV Gachibowli Hyderabad.